Trick everyone into obeying your every wish, with your very own made-up rural trauma.
Cold Comfort Farm's Aunt Ada Doom famously saw "something nasty in the woodshed!" (or the potting shed, or the bicycle shed), and was waited on hand and foot and could never be contradicted on anything for decades.
Size Guide (unisex - chest measures):
Small 34-36", Medium 38-40", Large 42-44", XL 46-48", XXL 50-52".
Care: Machine wash cool. Tumble dry low. Do not iron text/images.